BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-09-16
Meditation with Meredith today – she took us to the island of possibilities. It was surprising what came up for me... Howard was there + we were happy together and I had children. That was a first for me. There were children by my side + on my back and Howard was my love. There was justice, passion, clarity, respondsibility[sic], love, hope, and a deep sense of calm.
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.2287363514 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.62065556346074 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.2 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| child today island come love deep calm | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud
DiaryEntry
2019-09-16
(Continued) I'm going to discontinue this journal after I leave here. I no longer have use of the past other than a reminder. I am heading into the future + leaving my addictions behind on magic mountain. I have learned + processed a lot while here – in just the two weeks I've been away. I've learned my triggers, learned some useful DBT skills, re-interated and proved to self just how good I can be when sober, made some good/lasting friendships, reminded self of what needs to be done, recommitted myself to complete sobriety, quit smoking! It will be one week when I leave here + feel dealt with some fucked up triggers/ stressors. I re-committed myself to health + wellness. I need to be there for the kids, for my parents, for Howard + for myself. This needed to happen + it was the perfect timing – divine intervention. I will live in Beau's honor. I will stop hurting myself. I will stop abusing my body. I will surrender to feeling + surrender to this disease – wholeheartedly, fully, completely, gladly.
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.0072506910984848 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0 |
| Sadness | 0.40633040498643 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.83923951630172 |
| Disgust | 0.25001683224028 |
| Key Words | |
| stop surrender learned just going deal body abuse hurt honor | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud