BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-08-04
And again. It's like nothing I've every[sic] seen before. The hard headedness is on another level. Like I don't think I've ever met a more stubborn human being. Is this really going to be it? Because you can't afford to continue on. Your looks + health are at risk. It only gets worse – and once that's gone there is little to do to get it back. Natalie's Birthday today. Proud of the young woman she is becoming. I feel grateful + proud to be her “auntie.” The girls have been distant with me. Maybe it's my love for Hallie + continued support. I can't pressure them anymore to forgive. Trying to hydrate + reboot my week ahead. Think it's fitting that Kelly would take the day or rather Mane. August 3rd + 30th – I kind of like the ring of all that! Day # 2 + to be honest, I am triggered. B/c of him. There was a brief moment that I thought it might be a great idea but that quickly went away. The truth is that you so desperately want to do it differently. Have another type of relationship – but you can't. It's just not possible! Surrender to that reality + maybe things will start turning around – b/c I know that's not what you want to spend time doing – Quite the opposite – but the pull is so real. So, I cleaned up today. Eric hopefully goes on with it. I think I'm going to be home for at least a week month – see how integration feels. And I'll spend all of September down here – focused + healthy.
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.18744051756083 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.64657119249529 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| like going week spend proud think integration reality moment thought | |
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