BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-08-01
August. 2 more months in Del Ray[sic]. I do know it's time to go – lack of excitement, movement, + opportunity. Love Miami but think it's time to get back home + work on campaign. Headquarters in Philadelphia – spent good portion of that time on the road. The work is now. Nothing compares to that rush/high/ excitement of getting. I am searching for ways to escape. I am actually pursuing chances/ times to do. Planning it all out – like tomorrow. I have been going at my face more than usual. Changing medications I must work my body out. It's almost midnight... tomorrow a few hours away. Will I? I may... but what's that about? It's about the predictability of addiction, craving, wanting, needing, having to have – this is all very normal + part of the disease. The only way to arrest this situation is to sustain + by sustaining over time, that feeling is put into remission and life unfolds due to new situations + activities replace. It's fucking science + it's also very true that come end of time here – it's ovckle-down. But I also need to get to the head space where I am able to have real clarity. I am struggling so hard to find the will + ultimate solution to this. They say Rock Bottom – only way to come up but I don't want to get have to go that low. I guess it's like this in the beginning feeling crazy! Only Day # 4 Constant Relestness[sic] – No excitement –
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.20020531708042 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.48500785762475 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.056087525068008 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| time work like way come month sustain remission due new | |
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