BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-07-22
Here we go again! The anxiety + worry is palpable. I realize and understand that this is my journey and I need to figure it out for myself. I need to get clear and relaxed about my own recovery. I think the angry @ myself – for letting myself + my parents down. I haven't figured out my working “formula” – I don't know – I haven't truly figured it out. Giving it “up” to God hasn't been working but I guess I've also been giving “in” to the urges. And that's the first step in getting “clean” + “clear”. It's sad the feelings I have produced in others. My dad cried on the phone saying he has the debate in a week + “Now has to worry about you.” And he cried. Maybe he knows what he is doing + it's worked but my feelings of guilt often are overwhelming. I have to just do what is needed to stay determined, strong, + healthy. It's now out of my system. I need to refocus my life + not let this addiction destroy me. It's all so sad. How much time + energy goes into the same topic over + over again. I am going to relax, do what I need to + keep it healthy!
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | -0.15663033910417 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0 |
| Sadness | 0.69076589190839 |
| Fear | 0.52089371361666 |
| Anger | 0.41133764041026 |
| Surprise | 0 |
| Disgust | 0.0066073361595252 |
| Key Words | |
| worry know dad topic energy time sad addiction life system | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud