BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-03-01
A peaceful place. It snowed this morning and so I slept in and missed my flight. Eric is being bizarre – states he is sick but I actually think he used the other day. I can't really know what's going on b/c I am in DE and he isn't being very responsive. I feel bizarrely in a space of confusion yet peace. Trying to find my footing – on my own this time. Who thought I would be single + childless @ age 37 – maybe I did? Day one for me. It just makes sense for my life, mood, energy, and future. There is no rhyme or reason. Well there is a reason + those reasons are greater than my desire to use. It really is about taking my life by the hands and dancing – moving to the beats of life – finding my rhythm and waltzing back to myself – my wants, my needs, my desires. What do you want from this life? – Passionate ♥ – great sex – surprises – adventure – laughter – play – justice – friends – wide/open spaces – restorative practices – emotional stability – mental wellbeing[sic] – fun clothes + fashion – creativity – I actually think he relapsed + isn't telling me. It hurts my heart to think that he is using + that I may have triggered it. Boredom is deadly for me. It is the main reason for use – But not going to give in this time around. I have to stay strong during this next chapter of my life. With or without anyone by my side + most importantly when no one is by my side. Sobriety is the last link to true freedom. It's the last chance I have @ making my dreams come true and I can't do anything to jeopardize it. Some people come in your life for a reason, a season, or a life-time. Maybe Kevin came into my life for a reason; Neil came into my life for a few seasons + homeboy came into my life for the unknown. How much can I write out of sheer boredom?
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | -0.018360022936111 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.58203608484492 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.2 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| life come think bizarre actually use really going desire great | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud