BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-02-24
Holy crap – here we go again. Not going down that rabbit hole – So much has happened. My marriage is over + it breaks my heart in two, there are no feelings of “I need to be with him.” – “I need to see him.” – “I need to kiss him.”. I am chalking this up to an opps[sic] and moving on from here. February 23rd – keep moving forward. Blaze. I have to keep it together + pray that I am moving into the unknown – what am I doing? Plan For Retreat – 1. Do I announce that resigning? 2. Get to know you 3. SWOT Analysis 4. Where we are + where are we going? I am letting fear control me + my next moves. I have to have faith that I will be able to make it happen. Am I doing this for the right reasons? Am I making sound decisions. How will I know without staying sober + moving on from a place of love, hope, + clarity. Fear has taken over me. Fear is the opposite → of love ♥. I have to walk in faith and back up a little from the comfort of another man. He is so easy to love – so present, affectionate, and loving but I know it isn't the way to truly deconstruct my life I must focus on self + my recovery. The last thing I want to do is do any of this for anyone else. Is this where I am suppose[sic] to be? I am finished with my work here in Delaware – I do know this place is no longer safe me or my sobriety. People, places + things – all of which I am here again with + no of which keeps me sober. I must figure something out sooner than later. Maybe I can see if my parents would give me a loan? I don't know where to turn – maybe I turn to Bobby McGlinn? I feel as though I need $ to be able secure my livelihood – I don't know what to do anymore. Who can help with funding? 1. Bobby McGlinn 2. Howard 3. Mom + Dad 4. Babs? Sat, Sun, Monday, Tuesday How am I here?
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.056891270094345 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.22014917441004 |
| Sadness | 0.13866544974365 |
| Fear | 1 |
| Anger | 0.43719418993045 |
| Surprise | 0.070669889437227 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| know fear turn place thing able moving love happen feel | |
Sentiment Score
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