BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-02-13
A little fearful of what's to come... Feeling anxious but that just means I am living in the future. I must remember to stay present in today – otherwise this sobriety thing isn't going to work. How can I stay present today? Today is all I have + I can repeat that “wisdom is all within”. It has been one of those days where I know I've done nothing wrong but I also regret some of the desicions[sic] I've made + I seriously miss how it was. Randal told me that I need to let it die + that what will be – in the future – will be. The only way it will re-ignite is if one of us – both of us – re-engage. But, I wonder if he has boundaries for me. If he'd rather I not reach out in the future – letting it go. Dissolve + taking the lessons learned. Finding the silver lining in all the chaos. I keep my heart open – + I find solace in that to hurt was never my intention and I deserve more than what is being offered. I am a warrior princess – with a lot to give. Heart palpatations[sic] – Anxiety super increased. Started new drug that feels really off-putting. I started feeling that, “Please don't go – will I see you again?” I miss him already.
LinguisticAnalysis
Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
Score | -0.021030647770238 |
Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
Joy | 0 |
Sadness | 0.28272917509009 |
Fear | 0.2 |
Anger | 0 |
Surprise | 0 |
Disgust | 0 |
Key Words | |
future stay little solace learned finding lining chaos heart open |