BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-02-10
The morning. Early mornings. Kevin didn't come to dinner last night – he has been avoiding me like the plague – mean, cold, + distant. I guess that's his go-to and better I find out while here. His behavior + words manipulative – I'm not great at dealing with all of this yet I have tried. + am trying. I keep thinking that a move down here will be good for me – but then I question myself. I don't want to move down here for anyone, any relationship, and need to make sure I'm making the right move – literally. I trust no one. It just really goes to show – you don't know someone until time passes. | good | Bad/ugly | Sex Looks Standing Emotionally unavailable Back + forth Not able to communicate Appears one way, acts another Manipulative Contempt Stonewalling Cheats on wife Gas Lighting Ego Not affectionate Immature Harsh What are the qualities that I know I need in a partner? 1. Affection 2. Kindness 3. Sweetness 4. Sweet Nothings 5. Humor/Laughing 6. Attraction 7. Intimacy 8. Passion 9. Loyalty 10. Trust/honesty/vulnerability 11. Stability but adventure 12. Adoration 13. Intellectual curiosity 14. Independence 15. Curious about me 16.
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.19379766520714 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 1 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.20253408794188 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| morning right intellectual stability sweet quality able good pass time | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud
DiaryEntry
2019-02-10
The morning. Early mornings. Kevin didn't come to dinner last night – he has been avoiding me like the plague – mean, cold, + distant. I guess that's his go-to and better I find out while here. His behavior + words manipulative – I'm not great at dealing with all of this yet I have tried. + am trying. I keep thinking that a move down here will be good for me – but then I question myself. I don't want to move down here for anyone, any relationship, and need to make sure I'm making the right move – literally. I trust no one. It just really goes to show – you don't know someone until time passes. | good | Bad/ugly | Sex Looks Standing Emotionally unavailable Back + forth Not able to communicate Appears one way, acts another Manipulative Contempt Stonewalling Cheats on wife Gas Lighting Ego Not affectionate Immature Harsh What are the qualities that I know I need in a partner? 1. Affection 2. Kindness 3. Sweetness 4. Sweet Nothings 5. Humor/Laughing 6. Attraction 7. Intimacy 8. Passion 9. Loyalty 10. Trust/honesty/vulnerability 11. Stability but adventure 12. Adoration 13. Intellectual curiosity 14. Independence 15. Curious about me 16. 02.10.19 He is still in ♥ with his girlfriend – what the fuck – honestly. I'm an incredible catch + don't know if just trying to fill a hole – Have a difficult time being alone although last night woke up feeling sick to stomach + that I was getting sick. Wanted to be alone. This recovery thing takes awhile to set in each time. And the situation with Kevin is a blessing in disguise b/c I am getting over it all. He is up one minute + down the next – he is not kind + has treated me like an asshole – and still I remain kind b/c that's what I want to be but I do know that I now have boundaries – + no longer posses these intense feelings. They have faded away – even my desire to be around him. And so...
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.13519463022442 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.11583365743073 |
| Sadness | 0 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.10814610185697 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| time morning kind just sick trying like boundary incredible catch | |
Sentiment Score
Emotion Graph
Word Cloud