BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-02-01
February! Hooray. That much closer to spring... although I need to stay present. And be grateful for today. I had some up's + down's today. Started the day with boxing! Which was incredible. Going to go Sunday as well. And next Wednesday + Friday. Kevin + I are having a therapy session next week which will be difficult. – + super ackward[sic]. But it will provide me with closure that is needed. I am going to head to meeting tonight @ 7pm – Marshalls for clothes + then maybe a movie? Tomorrow I already have my day planned – Getting up in the am – 9am + going to the gym – then home to shower – 9am – gym 10am – Shower/home 11:30am – Lunch @ men's house 2:45pm – Single process + blow out 5pm – Dinner? 7 or 8pm – Meeting Hang with Neil? Sunday 7:30am – gym/boxing Beach with Beau 11:30am – Brunch @ women's house Beach during the day Meeting @ some point – 5:30pm – Dinner Superbowl @ guy's house Monday Clinical schedule. When I leave – I love so hard. And I get focused on them – their love. Their need for me to be loved. Their validation. Their something... Here I am talking about another man when I am married! It all feels strange. And disjointed. But what is the common theme in my life? That I keep relapsing + I just can't this time around. I need to stay sober long enough to see the light @ the end of the tunnel. I keep relapsing over + over again. The longest period of sobriety was almost a year + that was horribly painful due to the diagnosis. I haven't been sober in so fucking long + need to get sober + stay this way... long enough to find inner peace + happiness. I am worth it. I am 37 years old + this needs to happen – I can't waste any more time. I got my ass to shabbat dinner – meet Darien + Sunny. She is the sweetest little girl – She drew me a rainbow – I thought about how nice it will be to one day have children – Reframing my life.
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.096329286173182 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.41988720434868 |
| Sadness | 0.47138207066264 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0.32327673344794 |
| Disgust | 0.020642957607298 |
| Key Words | |
| going sober relapse time day long inner stay light end | |
Sentiment Score
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