BasicInfo
Please note that every effort has been made to keep all content of the diary entries identical to the original (including things like line breaks). The only modification that has been made is standardization of the dates, since several different formats were used (m.d.y, m/d/y, m-d-y). You may notice that some entries end abruptly or trail off - this is not due to incorrect transcription - feel free to compare to the original pdf copy at bidendiary.com.
DiaryEntry
2019-01-26
So open your eyes to a new a light → I have wandered around your darkened land all night. Cried this morning because I realize that part of this thick pain in my heart is related to the fact that I don't have either brother as part of my life. That's a heavy, sad truth. It's raining here in Florida – I-building. Actually nice to be in I-building – don't have to deal with the chaos of it all. I am slowly healing in new ways – this past time was a relapse that maybe I needed. As Lisa said, “this is just part of your journey” + that feels right. I concentrated on Kevin last time + not myself. This time going to be different. I may go see a movie today. I don't have ADD, do I? I've made peace with all of it – somehow. Maybe it was just time – maybe this is how you mend + heal. By giving time + walking through it. I want to imagine a different, or rather more fulfilled life for myself. If definitely involves sobriety + making some hard concentrete[sic] decisions in the next four months. A year from now... January 2020 1. Been sober from c + hard for a year! 2. Working on livelihood as main job/project. 3. Living? Florida weather, but home is where my family is... 4. Super solid single – or beginning to date/find romance 5. Not in relationship limbo 6. Eggs frozen/harvested/ pregnant. 7. Fucking non-smoker 8. Exploring other opportunities + taking them – for career 9. No debt + credit built. I know that adventure must be added to my sobriety list – And it is. I am jumping in shower, going to get my car + then see where the day takes me. What is my #1 goal today? To see if you can not smoke a cigarette – without others – Babe. Only Do not contact Kevin Attend 2 meetings? Do something fun for self. Movie?
LinguisticAnalysis
| Sentiment (-1=negative, 1=positive) | |
| Score | 0.086172619852174 |
| Emotion Scores (0-1) | |
| Joy | 0.16539358277724 |
| Sadness | 0.35984223002847 |
| Fear | 0 |
| Anger | 0 |
| Surprise | 0 |
| Disgust | 0 |
| Key Words | |
| maybe time going just open egg month year sober working | |
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